“,”longer_truncated_body_json”:null,”longer_truncated_body_html”:null,”truncated_body_text”:”My first Pride parade was around the year 2000, when I was 15. My parents and I marched with PFLAGu2014Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gaysu2014a now quaint-sounding organization my folks joined after I came out, to help my mother accept the idea that her son would die of AIDS.”,”wordcount”:925,”postTags”:[{“id”:”7f72d576-3c26-477f-90ad-cb032d25a6d7″,”publication_id”:260347,”name”:”Culture”,”slug”:”culture”,”hidden”:false}],”publishedBylines”:[{“id”:7889895,”name”:”Ben Kawaller”,”handle”:null,”previous_name”:null,”photo_url”:”https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff971856a-9754-40bf-9308-f3b342eca6bf_144x144.png”,”bio”:”Ben Kawaller’ videos and humor writing have appeared in The Free Press, LA Magazine, The American Bystander, The Advocate, Salon, and NewNowNext. He lives in Los Angeles.”,”profile_set_up_at”:”2023-04-21T22:13:45.580Z”,”is_guest”:true,”bestseller_tier”:null,”primaryPublicationId”:1624058,”primaryPublicationName”:”Benu2019s Substack”,”primaryPublicationUrl”:”https://benkawaller.substack.com”,”primaryPublicationSubscribeUrl”:”https://benkawaller.substack.com/subscribe?”}],”reaction”:null,”reaction_count”:929,”comment_count”:696,”child_comment_count”:200,”audio_items”:[{“post_id”:130492114,”voice_id”:”en-US-JennyNeural”,”audio_url”:”https://substack-video.s3.amazonaws.com/video_upload/post/130492114/tts/en-US-JennyNeural.mp3″,”type”:”tts”,”status”:”completed”}],”truncated_description”:null,”hasCashtag”:false,”truncated_body_html”:null,”post_paywall_content_for_google”:null,”cover_image_alt”:null,”cover_image_caption”:”Ben Kawaller at L.A. Pride in 2023.”,”html”:”

My first Pride parade was around the year 2000, when I was 15. My parents and I marched with PFLAGu2014Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gaysu2014a now quaint-sounding organization my folks joined after I came out, to help my mother accept the idea that her son would die of AIDS. 

I was hoping, of course, that I would meet some boy at the parade. Sadly, no such person materialized, and the only member of the family to turn any heads at this thing was my bearded, hirsute father, who, if thatu2019s your type, is an absolute knockout.

Things have changed a great deal since those Clintonu2013Bush years. 

Earlier this month I strolled around the L.A. Pride parade in Hollywood. There I met a gay eleven-year-old boy who had to contend not with being routinely bullied, but with the fact that the two other gay boys in his class were dating each other and not him (and whou2019s to say which is worse, really?). I met a whole slew of gay-looking girls who identified as everything from queer to lesbian to trans, and who very politely tolerated my interrogations on everything from their pronouns to their chest-bindings. I met a ten-year-old who told me she was nonbinary and pansexual. Or rather, they were nonbinary and pansexual.

I felt approximately 90. Itu2019s not like the various identities comprising u201CLGBTQ+u201D are totally new to me, but at the end of the day Iu2019m just a boring old G who came of age at a time when most of these labels had yet to be invented. Walking around Pride, I wondered if these new letters are a reflection of immutable characteristicsu2014remember born this way?u2014or rather, a new way of categorizing oneself based on aestheticsu2014a kind of performance.

Whereas I donu2019t think of homosexuality as a performance. Sure, itu2019s a showstopper when I practice it, but it has nothing to do with my hair color or my clothes.

I had this thought, while talking to a 25-year-old lesbian who was still u201Cfiguring outu201D her gender identity: thereu2019s a tribe out there that plays a game, an optional way of thinking about oneself, called u201Cgender,u201D and the opt-in nature of this game is reflected in the tribeu2019s own language. For instance, GLSENu2014once the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, now just a thing called GLSENu2014

Ben Kawaller writes about culture and hosts an interview series for Los Angeles magazine.

For more on this subject, we recommend James Kirchick in Liberties on the current setback to the gay movement; Andrew Sullivanu2019s essay on the rise of homophobia; and Bridget Phetasy in The Spectator on how Pride lost the public.

And if youu2019d like to support more of our on-the-ground reporting, join The Free Press today:

Subscribe now

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