“,”longer_truncated_body_json”:null,”longer_truncated_body_html”:null,”truncated_body_text”:”TGIF, everyone. This week is a special edition. Itu2019s an excerpt from my forthcoming book, Morning After the Revolution, which your local bookstore will certainly refuse to stock, so good luck out there. Next week weu2019ll have a double-wide Where I TG. Until then, comfort yourselves with these”,”wordcount”:2649,”postTags”:[{“id”:”126d3a02-7325-41fb-b83a-4de12017bb5a”,”publication_id”:260347,”name”:”Nellie Bowles”,”slug”:”nellie-bowles”,”hidden”:false},{“id”:”1f1ba2f3-dae8-44d1-9f90-5cb154604671″,”publication_id”:260347,”name”:”TGIF”,”slug”:”tgif”,”hidden”:false},{“id”:”7f72d576-3c26-477f-90ad-cb032d25a6d7″,”publication_id”:260347,”name”:”Culture”,”slug”:”culture”,”hidden”:true}],”publishedBylines”:[{“id”:12430253,”name”:”Nellie Bowles”,”handle”:”chosenbychoice”,”previous_name”:null,”photo_url”:”https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/2c1df8ae-9169-49b0-b7c5-72c5b0589232_400x400.jpeg”,”bio”:”Staff writer for the Free Press. Specifically: the fascist running TGIF. “,”profile_set_up_at”:”2021-04-22T22:50:27.916Z”,”publicationUsers”:[{“id”:486247,”user_id”:12430253,”publication_id”:260347,”role”:”admin”,”public”:true,”is_primary”:true,”publication”:{“id”:260347,”name”:”The Free Press”,”subdomain”:”bariweiss”,”custom_domain”:”www.thefp.com”,”custom_domain_optional”:false,”hero_text”:”A new media company built on the ideals that were once the bedrock of American journalism.”,”logo_url”:”https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/9cb7f208-a15c-46a8-a040-7e7a2150def9_1280x1280.png”,”author_id”:2067309,”theme_var_background_pop”:”#E8B500″,”created_at”:”2021-01-12T05:33:41.075Z”,”rss_website_url”:null,”email_from_name”:”The Free Press”,”copyright”:”Bari Weiss”,”founding_plan_name”:”Founding Member”,”community_enabled”:true,”invite_only”:false,”payments_state”:”enabled”,”language”:null,”explicit”:false}},{“id”:14859,”user_id”:12430253,”publication_id”:246634,”role”:”admin”,”public”:true,”is_primary”:false,”publication”:{“id”:246634,”name”:”Chosen By Choice”,”subdomain”:”chosenbychoice”,”custom_domain”:null,”custom_domain_optional”:false,”hero_text”:”This is an essay series about converting to Judaism and living a Jewish life”,”logo_url”:”https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/6ee9aca1-a628-4b91-a81b-4efd25810b6e_935x935.png”,”author_id”:12430253,”theme_var_background_pop”:”#67bdfc”,”created_at”:”2020-12-27T01:22:43.074Z”,”rss_website_url”:null,”email_from_name”:null,”copyright”:”Nellie Bowles”,”founding_plan_name”:null,”community_enabled”:true,”invite_only”:false,”payments_state”:”paused”,”language”:null,”explicit”:false}}],”twitter_screen_name”:”NellieBowles”,”is_guest”:false,”bestseller_tier”:100}],”reaction”:null,”reaction_count”:1011,”comment_count”:1161,”child_comment_count”:396,”audio_items”:[{“post_id”:144470033,”voice_id”:”en-US-JennyNeural”,”audio_url”:null,”type”:”tts”,”status”:”paywalled”}],”is_geoblocked”:false,”hidden”:true,”truncated_description”:null,”hasCashtag”:false,”truncated_body_html”:null,”post_paywall_content_for_google”:null,”cover_image_alt”:”In her new book, Morning After The Revolution, Nellie Bowles writes about the time she canceled someone.”,”cover_image_caption”:”u201CA cancellation isnu2019t about finding a conservative and yelling at them. Itu2019s about finding the betrayer in your midst.u201D (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)”,”html”:”

TGIF, everyone. This week is a special edition. Itu2019s an excerpt from my forthcoming book,

The first time I was consciously part of canceling someone, it felt incredible. I do remember the pleasure.

The situation was pretty clear-cut: a close friend was canceling someone, and I could help.

My friend was a writer and generally hilarious person. This friend, who was black, was quoted in a book by a white author, also well known, less hilarious but equally lovelyu2014Iu2019d met her at a couple parties and liked her. This white author had asked me to do a fun and casual onstage interview with her as part of her book tour, and Iu2019d enthusiastically said yes. The event had been announced and posted online.

Then came the fight.

My friend didnu2019t like the quote when it came out in the book. She posted to her Twitter followers about it. She said the author hadnu2019t told her she was on the record (the author disagreed). She said she was misquoted and also had no idea she was being interviewed (the author disagreed). It was a shit show. And in the court of public opinion, my friend was winning.

Itu2019s Twitter, not real life. Thatu2019s what people say. But for the media classu2014the people who decide what books go on tour and what books get reviewed, what books you hear aboutu2014itu2019s the artery system. Twitter is where articles get ginned up. 

A drumbeat of rage against the author was growing. I felt the rage too. Like someone flagrantly littering or snatching a purse, sheu2019d violated the contract we all made. Sheu2019d made an apology, but it had been defensive. If weu2019d learned anything from anti-racist school, it was that apologies had to be abject and endless. She was pushing back still, a little. People I loved were disgusted, and so was I. White women canu2019t just take words from a black woman to sell shitty books! The premise of her book was vile anyway. The author was vile. Black lives very much matter, and a random white liberal needs to know that. 

My friend never asked me to do anything, but I wanted to defend her. A good ally is assertive and doesnu2019t need to be asked. Platforming, sitting onstage with this white woman, was endorsing her. I wanted to embarrass her, and I could. I was scheduled to appear onstage with her. I wrote to her, and said I was sorry but I could no longer participate in her book tour. Sheu2019d need to find someone else. She asked me to reconsider. I wouldnu2019t. 

I told a lot of friends about that. I was proud. People said Iu2019d done the right thing. To do a cancellation is a very warm, social thing. It has the energy of a potluck. Everyone brings what they can, and everyone is impressed by the creativity of their friends. Itu2019s a positive thing, what youu2019re doing, and it doesnu2019t feel like battle, but like tending the warm fire of community. You have real power when youu2019re doing it, and with enough people, you can oust someone very powerful. 

The easy criticism of a cancellation is: You went after someone who agrees with you on almost everything except some tiny differences? Some small infraction? It seems bizarre. But thatu2019s the point. The bad among us are more dangerous to the group. Mormons donu2019t excommunicate a random drag performer. They excommunicate a bad Mormon.

I watched all the presidential debates in 2016 with some family members who are conservatives. After Hillary lost, I couldnu2019t stomach going over there for a few months. I was too upset, and I couldnu2019t handle seeing them happy. But thatu2019s not a cancellation. I had no power over these family members, or sway in their community. I couldnu2019t make them apologize for being happy that Trump won.

A cancellation isnu2019t about finding a conservative and yelling at them. Itu2019s about finding the betrayer in your midst. They look and talk like you. They blend in perfectly. But theyu2019re not like you.

The author I canceled existed in my community. She went to the parties I went to and showed up at the same events as me. The goal was to slice her carefully out, and I was thrilled to do my part. By showing where I stood, I felt closer to my friends. But also, in some ways, doing what I did is the price of admission to the club. To ignore the drumbeat was to suggest that I didnu2019t care. I definitely did care. 

I saw later that the event was canceled altogether after I withdrew. Her book tour didnu2019t work so well. The book didnu2019t sell so well. I never saw her at another party, and I never heard from her againu2014and I was fine with that.

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